Protecting Your Children From Your Divorce

Any child going through a divorce is going to experience some emotional pain, feelings of loss, sadness, frustration and possibly abandonment or rejection. As parents it is important to help children through this difficult time in their lives and to protect them as much as possible from the divorce process itself, as well as the changes that will occur, both now and in the future.

As a parent there are several things that you can do to help your children get through the divorce with as little difficulty as possible. Both parents working together on this goal can make it even easier for the children.

Love

Children at this time need even more love from parents than they did prior to the divorce. This means telling your children every chance to get that you love them, think of them often, and will always be there for them. Try spending some extra one-on-one time with your kids and encourage them to talk about their concerns or fears.

Support and security

Just like love, kids need to feel that they are supported, secure and safe during the divorce. Often children feel very insecure about their relationship with one or both of the parents, and may feel that the parent that moves out of the house has rejected them. Talk to the children about the divorce, and explain that both parents will still be very involved in their lives. Show children your support and commitment to them by being there, and following through on any plans or events. Children may also feel that the custodial parent may not have the financial means to support them, especially if money is an issue in the divorce or in the disagreements leading up to the divorce. Assure your children that you have this under control. Children should not feel concern over financial affairs; they need to know that Mom and Dad have this handled.

Avoid conflict

Children need to see that Mom and Dad still can work together to be good parents. Kids should never be exposed to fighting, negative comments about the other parent, or conflict between parents. If you have a high-conflict situation try exchanging the children at a neutral spot like a restaurant, or perhaps leave the children with a friend and have the other parent pick them up there so you don’t have to meet face to face. It is critical that children not be exposed to the stress and anxiety of parental conflict.

Extended family

Talk to your extended families to make sure that they are following the same expectations for providing love, support, and only positive comments. Encourage your children to talk to other family members about the divorce if they feel comfortable with this.
Set a routine and schedule

As soon as possible set a schedule for children to spend time with both parents. Try to stick to the schedule as much as possible as this allows the children to plan for times with both parents, and to feel a part of both parents’ lives.

Be consistent

Try to set similar expectations for chores, discipline and daily routines in both Mom’s house and Dad’s house. This is particularly important if you have younger children, as they will adjust to spending time in both homes much quicker if they are consistent.

Source: Divorce Advice For Men

Child Custody and Support

Idaho Child Custody and Support Guidelines

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Divorce – Reconcile or Move On, How to Decide

Should I Reconcile?  You are older and wiser now, with an experience or two, and a decision to make.

Your desire to reconcile is often a desire to live the dream.  To revive your passions and the hopes you lived in the beginning.  To return to ‘Go’ and start over with a new role of the dice.

Perhaps reconciliation is not your own desire, but forced upon you like a load of dirty laundry. Forced upon you by silent and sullen children. Forced upon you by a repentant spouse, full of promises and needs greater than your own. Forced upon you by family, religion, and tradition of the day.

Should I reconcile? Should I accept the hurt, the pain, and call it a day?  Can I face the unknown, or is there more comfort in this familiar but battered arena? Yes, you are older and wiser now, with a decision to make.

How to Decide

Take a blank piece of paper, any paper, and if you are inclined you can create a spreadsheet or flow chart, it matters not the medium. Across the top draw a single line, and down the center draw another line.  At the top on one side write the word STAY.  The other side gets MOVE ON.

There is no secret or trick to this; simply write down every reason or excuse for saving or ending your marriage.  This writer remembers being asked to make a list of all the possible uses for the lowly paper clip. Writing down one use leads to another and another, the list reached 50 ideas within two minuets.  At another table their list numbered 110.  The point my friend is to just jot down, pro and con. Your list might take a life of its own, growing hour by hour, day by day.

At least three things will happen.
- You will come to a decision.
- You will have clearer understanding of the issues.
- You have the beginnings of a course of action

Staying means taking action and making one more commitment to your marriage.  That commitment is not yours alone.  You both have issues to resolve. It is not prudent to take the easy road by ducking the issues. Face them head on. Pay the price in the currency of hard work and honest communication, without it couples often fall back into old habits.   A recommendable course of action is joint marriage counseling, and in many cases joint financial counseling.

Moving on means acceptance, and closes the option of going back into the marriage.  While it may be sad, it also frees you to look to your future without the complications of all the “what if’s”.  Moving on can be like passing Go and collecting your $200, knowing the next trip around the block might be better than the last.

Source: Divorce Advice For Men

Verbal Abuse

My husband is constantly screaming and yelling. The least little thing sets him off. The other day I didn’t load the dishwasher the way he thought it should be. For 30 minutes, I had to listen to him screaming and yelling about how he is the only one here who knows how to do things the right way.

Original: About.com Divorce Support: What's Hot Now

Has Your Ex Defied a Divorce Court Order?

When going through the divorce process I was quite naive. I was inexperienced in not only the legal issues surrounding divorce I also had very high expectations of how my ex would behave once we had negotiated our divorce settlement.

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Via: About.com Divorce Support

Delaware Divorce Laws

What you need to know about Delaware divorce laws.

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Cell Phones and Affairs

Never has it been so easy to track the communication between a spouse and the other man/other woman. If you suspect your spouse of having an affair your fist step should be to communicate your suspicions. If after discussing your fears with your spouse and you feel he/she has not be truthful check their cell phone.

By: About.com Divorce Support: What's Hot Now

Dating Rules

There are no hard, fast rules when it comes to what you should do to get back into the swing of dating. If you have lain to rest all the emotional baggage and feel truly ready to date you will probably do fine. If you have doubts, the following tips will help you navigate the dating scene more easily.

Via: About.com Divorce Support: What's Hot Now

Did You Marry For All The Wrong Reasons?

I have a friend who is going through a divorce after three years of marriage. She and I were discussing her situation the other day and I asked her why, if she had such negative feelings toward her soon to be ex-husband, why she had married him in the first place.

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Source: About.com Divorce Support

Physical Abuse

Physical abuse consists of anything an intimate partner does to the other partner that causes physical pain. If you partner has slapped, pinched, punched, thrown things at you or assaulted you with a weapon, you are a victim of physical abuse.

Original: About.com Divorce Support: What's Hot Now

Connecticut Divorce Laws

What you need to know about Connecticut divorce laws.

Original: About.com Divorce Support: What's Hot Now

Dealing With An Angry Child

Divorce can bring out the worst in people. It can cause an exceptional parent to lose focus on what is best for his/her children, which in turn can cause the children to feel mistreated. When negative feelings bleed over into the relationship with children, the result is a fractured child/parent relationship.

Hat Tip To: About.com Divorce Support: What's Hot Now

Marital Separation

My wife and I have been separated for nearly a year. In our state you have to be separated for one year before you can file for a divorce. I was told by the powers that be in my state that the arrangement we came up with for our marital separation agreement will carry forth into our divorce agreement.

By: About.com Divorce Support: What's Hot Now

Say “I Do” to Understanding Prenuptial Agreements

A Prenup

What is a marriage?  It’s been called a blessing, a curse, an institution, and a ‘ball and chain.’  It’s know as the ‘ultimate bliss’ and ‘the 10th circle of Hell.’  Sonnets, odes, songs, and mountains of books have been written about marriage.

No BS Divorce Strategies For Men

Relationship advice columnist Ann Landers once wrote, “Every marriage is happy. Its the living together afterward that’s the challenge.”

Ann is right.  Whatever else marriage may be, it’s a gamble.  It’s also contract.  So it has become increasingly common for people to enter into the bond of marriage with the caution formerly reserved for big business mergers.

The Eyes of the Beholder
From a religious perspective, marriage is a “holy union.”  From the state’s perspective, marriage is a voluntary private agreement by a man and a woman to become husband and wife. And in the eyes of the judicial system, marriage is a binding contract with specific obligations under the law.  And one day, that contract may need to be dissolved.

That’s why prenups were created.

Marriage is an emotional and physical union, but it’s also a financial union. A prenuptial agreement looks beyond the clear-and-present joy of two people in love.  Instead of being ‘caught up in the moment,’ a prenup makes provisions for life’s unexpected twists and turns.  It’s an important ‘insurance policy’ that protects both parties from an unknown future.

If you have something that matters to you, it should be protected by a pre-nup.

What Is A Prenuptial Agreement (Pre-Marital Agreement)?
In essence, a prenuptial agreement is a legal document – a contract between the bride and groom – made before they wed.  In most cases, it details what will happen to their individual and collective incomes and assets if a death, divorce, or separation occurs.

Who Should Consider A Prenup
A prenup is not a ‘test’ of love.  It should not be seen as ‘the easy way out’ for people who aren’t sure their marriage will last.  Instead, a prenup may be looked upon as a security net, a safe place to fall just in case you do.

Celebrities and millionaires wouldn’t think of marrying without advice from their attorneys and a safety-ensuring prenup.  But what about you?   A prenup may be important for you if you…

* Have valuable assets (a home, stocks and bonds, retirement account)
* Own a business or are a shareholder in one
* May receive a large inheritance
* Have children from a previous marriage
* Have elderly parents or loved ones who need financial assistance from you

You may be surprised to learn that a prenup can protect your current assets and your future earnings.  You should also strongly consider a prenup

* If one of you is much wealthier than the other
* If one of you will be supporting the other through college
* If you are pursuing a potentially lucrative profession such as medicine
* If you expect a dramatic increase in income because of professional success.

What Should Be In a Pre-Nup
All prenups include certain standard information.  This includes the names of the parties, the date of marriage, purpose of the agreement, and a list of children from previous relationships.

Beyond that, it details the terms of the agreement.  In other words, the obligations of each party.  The terms generally fall under major headings such as

Property division
Support obligations
Household expenses
Matrimonial home
Business interests
Other property
Tax consequences
Estate planning

What Is Its Legal Validity
Until recently, it was not uncommon for prenuptial agreements to be overturned by the courts.  Many were struck down for their unreasonable terms or gross inequality.  But in a landmark case decided in March 2004, the Supreme Court of Canada upheld a duly executed marriage contract, despite the fact that the terms were unfair.

The court declared that while the terms of might questionable, the drafting of the agreement had met the legal requirements for a valid contract.  This is a strong indicactor that the courts are reluctant to interfere in voluntary contracts made by two well-educated adults with legal representation.

Despite the move towards upholding prenups, however, there remain unimpeachable reasons why a prenup may be invalidated.

As a contract, a prenup may be invalidated for the same reason as any contract.  Which is to say that it was entered into under duress, because of undue influence, fraud, unconscionability, fundamental breach, by mistake, and so on.

Grounds for invalidation also include failure by a spouse to disclose fully his/her assets and debts at the time of signing.  And finally, the agreement may also be thrown out if one spouse did not understand fully the nature and consequences of the prenup.

Hat Tip To: Divorce Advice For Men

Wondering How Your Passive Aggressive Spouse Got That Way?

If you are in a relationship with a passive aggressive I'm sure you've asked yourself, "how did he/she get this way," probably have asked that question numerous times. This article is an attempt to answer that question. Before moving forward though it should be understood that there is no "one size fits all" answer to the question of what causes passive aggressive behavior.

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Origin: About.com Divorce Support