Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Monday, July 18, 2011
The Complexities of Military Divorce
Answer:
I wouldn't say that military divorce is more complicated. It is different with it's own unique rules regarding division of military pensions, residency requirements for filing for divorce, certain legal protections for the military member and emergency court orders pertaining to child support. Once you become familiar with the rules and federal laws that apply during a military divorce the divorce process is pretty straightforward.
...Hat Tip To: About.com Divorce Support
Sunday, July 17, 2011
How To Divorce Proof Your Marriage
Let’s start with an underlying assumption, good relationships are not easy. When NBC did a story called Project Everlasting, they interviewed 200 couples who had been married at least 40 years and every single one of them said they had been through some rough times. So the road to love is not smooth. When these couples were interviewed every single one said that respecting each other was important and I agree.
No BS Divorce Strategies For Men
You can respect someone without loving them but you can’t love someone without respecting them. When you respect someone you treat them in a different way then when you don’t respect them. Respect means not belittling their ideas. It means listening to them and not cutting them off. Respect can be looking up to them or defending them because you think they are right. It can be a lot of different things to different people but the bottom line is you treat them like they matter. When you treat a spouse with respect you build them up. When you don’t, you tear them down. Which manner will result in having a powerful union?
The 2nd thing that is needed to create a strong relationship is the ability for each side to compromise. You can’t always have everything you want all the time. Resentments will build up if one person takes more than they give. But at the same time you shouldn’t be playing goal keeper by making sure everything is exactly 50/50. When both of you have an intention to be respectful of each other and to allow the other person to have their way half the time, the place you are coming from should just naturally create many satisfying results for each of you. This was another element our 200 couples mentioned and as a divorce lawyer I KNOW compromise is the life blood of creating win/win deals with people.
The 3rd thing you must have is open and honest communication. Most people are not mind readers and shouldn’t be made to feel like they don’t really know or love you unless they automatically understand what is going on with you. Give an emotional weather report. Directly say what you need and want. Don’t wait for that one last straw that breaks the camel’s back to blow up. Things don’t need to get to that point if you are regularly communicating what is going on with you. When you are talking don’t blame the other person for making you feel a certain way. No one makes you feel anything. That is YOUR choice. There are no victims when people take responsibility for their choices. It is perfectly valid to say, “when you do that I feel this.” You are not blaming them for anything. You are just letting them know how you feel. Take responsibility for making sure the other person hears what you are saying. There are 2 parts of a conversation. You are responsible for making sure the message you are saying is getting through and you are responsible for hearing what they are saying too.
Peter Drucker, renowned management specialist, says that 60 percent of management problems result from faulty communication. According to criminologists, up to 90 percent of all criminals have problems with interpersonal communication. And according to a leading marriage counselor, at least half of all marriage breakdowns are caused by faulty communication.
Effective communication is based on knowing our thoughts, desires, motives and feelings – being honest with them and expressing them creatively. People who deny or suppress their inner feelings and true desires fail to communicate effectively and can never discover true intimacy.
The 4th thing to keep in mind is to pick your battles. I have seen this over and over again in court as people dig in their heals on issues that are meaningless. Never fight and bicker over meaningless things like the best way to clean the sink or if the toilet paper rolls over or under. You better save your energy for things that really matter. When you don’t sweat the small stuff life is a lot easier and you are a more pleasant person to be around. I am NOT saying to stuff what really bothers you but if leaving the toothpaste cap off bothers you that much, you need to toughen up. An easy going person is a lot easier to live with forever than someone who has a chip on their shoulder.
The 5th thing to remember is you have needs too. It is natural to want to make your mate happy and support them in any way you can but when you give up your own life to accommodate their needs without a reciprocal concession on the other person’s part, you cease to exist. It is very rare that a couple has the same needs at the same time. Expect to be traveling different paths at certain points. This is when compromise is really important. If you end up moving to support their career on the promise that after a certain period of time they will do the same for you (or whatever your deal is going to be), get it in writing and have a penalty if they don’t follow through. Throughout history martyrs are often killed. Why should you be any different?
The last thing you need to maintain a long term relationship is honesty and trust. These really are the back bones that everything else is built on. If you don’t have an underlying sense that your mate has your back and can be counted on to tell you the truth, you are just fooling around. I have seen all trust crumble away as a spouse gets caught in little lies over and over again. Not knowing when your spouse is being 100% truthful really erodes the respect and remember you can respect someone without loving them but you can’t love someone without respecting them. Don’t make excuses for telling white lies. OK, if she says, “Does this make me look fat?” and you feel like she won’t change her clothes if you say yes, then you can lie but if you continually underestimate what you are spending on purchases or overestimate how much time you actually need to travel from work to home, after a while your spouse just isn’t going to trust you.
Think of the two of you as Bonnie and Clyde. You want a stand up cohort who has your back no matter what. You have to KNOW they are going to split the loot with you even steven and that you don’t have to keep that gun under your pillow just in case they sneak up on you. You want a partner you can count on. Some one who will fight against the world with you not against you. You want someone you can trust to drive the getaway car and not rat you out to the cops if they are caught. If honesty is important between thieves, it should be to you too. Or maybe this is just my vision. See, everyone needs to have a vision of the kind of life and relationship they want. They need to enroll the other person into their vision or create a joint vision and then keep creating that vision together. When you aim for a target there is a LOT more chance of hitting it then just randomly shooting at nothing in particular. You create your life through intention and action. So given all I have just said, do you see areas of your relationship that you can shift or expand in such a way to create the marriage you now envision? What can you do today to take a step in that direction? I wish you good speed on your journey and know that you can create the relationship you intend.
Belinda Rachman, Esq. has been a divorce attorney since 1996 and married to the same man since 1987. For those who need a divorce, please encourage them to have a peaceful one so they can save money, protect the children from a nasty fight and reduce the stress. Bookmark this address so you can share it later and be a force for good. http://www.divorce-inaday.com
Article Source: How To Divorce Proof Your Marriage (from a divorce attorney)
Hat Tip To: Divorce Advice For Men
Divorce and Your Credit Score
Hat Tip To: About.com Divorce Support: What's Hot Now
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Midlife Crisis Spouse
Friday, July 15, 2011
Child Custody Issues – Mediators
Child Custody Issues – Mediators
The right and obligation to care every day for and make major decisions for a minor child is called custody. This may be subdivided into sole custody and joint custody. The initial is once just one parent takes care of the child as the latter is whenever both mom and dad share in major decision-making and spend substantial amounts of time independently with the child. This is an unavoidable area of the divorce proceedings of couples with one or more kids, specially minors.
No BS Divorce Strategies For Men
When taken to court, custody is awarded to the parent/s according to the best interest of the child. Many different factors are considered when determining the child’s best interest, including health and sex of the child, the primary caregiver prior to the divorce, willingness to care for the child, parenting skills, emotional ties between child and parent, readiness in facilitating visitation by the other parent, and each of the parents’ physical, mental, financial and moral fitness.
Mothers and fathers have equal rights to custody under the laws of almost all states. There are certain countries, though, which have laws that grant automatic custody of children seven years old and below to the mother. Yet, generally, courts should not assume that a child is automatically better off with the mother or the father.
In spite of this supposed impartiality, a lot of family court judges have biases as by-products of their history and emotional experiences. Some can have a deep rooted belief that women can watch over children much better than men who, in their eyes, have limited know-how in parenting. Others could have an innate conception that fathers are instinctively better at parenting male children.
Theoretically, judges should be fair and neutral
Hat Tip To: Divorce Advice For Men
Divorce and Finances
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Has Your Marriage Been Negatively Impacted by Sexual Addiction?
According to Jerry Kennard, "sexual addiction is an overwhelming desire to have sex. Sexual behavior becomes a problem and is considered an addiction when it is repeated often enough to interfere with normal daily living. Addictive sexual behavior interferes with relationships, work, friendships, and lifestyle."
...Origin: About.com Divorce Support
Save Money On Your Divorce
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Why You Should Stop Your Divorce
The good news is that the alarming growth in the divorce rate has turned around. Even so, the divorce rate is still around %50. Many couples believe that saving their marriage isn’t possible. Somehow a divorce seems simpler. The fact is that divorce has devastating and long lasting effects on those involved including friends and family members.
No BS Divorce Strategies For Men
There are some very good reasons saving your marriage as well. Many people considering a divorce imagine that happiness lies on the other side of the fence. Research however suggests that this isn’t true. A survey of people who have gone through divorce showed that in general they weren’t happier.
Getting a divorce may be jumping the gun. A recent study showed that 2/3 of people who were unhappy in their marriage and on the verge of divorce said that they were happy in their marriage five years later.
The majority of happily married couples have experienced extended periods of unhappiness. The key point is that it is important to be committed to your marriage. Don’t throw away years of happiness in order to avoid short term problems. There are many ways to stop a divorce, there are a few tip to get you started.
1. Communication is key
I’m sure you’ve heard it before, but it’s still true. You must communicate on a deep level with your partner regularly. “On a deep level” doesn’t mean discussing who is going to pick up the kids from school or trying to remember when the oil was last changed in the car. Spend some time talking about your feelings about your relationship. Discuss the things that are important, not the trivial stuff life throws at us.
2. No Relationship Is Perfect
One of the hardest lessons I’ve ever learned is that when fantasy becomes reality, it’s never quite as good as you imagined. When you are under a lot of stress at home, it is easy to slip into an imaginary world where everything is perfect. You imagine that being with a different partner would be perfect. Perfect relationships only exist in our heads. Enjoy you fantasies but don’t fall into the trap of believing that they are real.
3. Seek Help To Stop Divorce
You can stop your divorce if both of you are willing to make the effort. In addition to the desire to save your marriage, you may need some outside help. Help is available. Public libraries have lots of books on the subject of marriage advice. Many products are available online. If reading isn’t your thing then you may prefer these products. Live one-on-one counseling is also available. Personal counseling can be expensive but sometimes it is the only method that works.
Remember that divorce has its repercussions as well as huge financial setbacks. But more importantly, it destroys a marriage and fully ends relationships. If there is till love in your marriage, then it’s possible to stop your divorce.
Jake Jafims is a relationship expert based in Cleveland, Oh. If you’re ready to save your marriage then it’s time to get more help. To see all of the top online resources, visit -> http://www.GetMarriageHelpNow.com
Article Source: Why You Should Stop Your Divorce
Origin: Divorce Advice For Men
Cell Phones And Cheating
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Cheap Divorce: A Simple Yet Ingenious Plan
Myself and my (now) ex wife, found it rather easy to divorce, and this was mainly due to the methodology we used. It’s a simple strategy and it’s something that is guaranteed to save you money.
No BS Divorce Strategies For Men
Here it is, your pathway to a cheap divorce, in easy to follow steps -
First we both decided that lawyers would not be called until a mutually agreed time, or if things got a little out of hand, and we couldn’t remain civil while we went through our plan.
Next we both went round our home, and made a list of everything we had in there as well as everything that WE each wanted. So if I felt the TV was/should be mine, then I made a note of that. My wife did the same.
We chose to go round the house at separate times of the day, as we weren’t getting on at the time (hence the divorce I guess), and we compared notes the following day. At our meeting we both went through each others lists, and shouted and complained if someone had named something as theirs, that the other party felt shouldn’t be, and we went on like this for most of the day. It’s a fairly painful process, but it needed doing in order to save cash, but this could just as easily have been done via email if things had gotten nasty.
The day after that, after many phone calls back and forth, we came to an agreement on who gets what.
Next was the money side of things; again this took a few days, and we each shouted a lot, and finally sorted the accounts, the property, and the debts.
Lastly, we wrote all this up and made two copies, which we each signed, and had independently witnessed.
It was then, and only then, that we called our lawyers. We each handed our lawyers the signed papers, and said to them, “make this legal”, and that was it; a week or two later we had our legal document for the divorce, and all went ahead smoothly, as we had sorted everything out prior to meeting and instigating the proceedings.
Can you see how much time and especially money, this could save you?
It’s painful, horrible, bitter and and can be stressful, but aren’t all divorces? Isn’t it better to come out of this process, stressed, and a bank account fairly split, and still intact?
It made sense, and worked wonders for us. We worked out that we saved, about $5000 in legal wrangling and arguing through lawyers. You should do this too.
Sean Redfearn is a divorcee and runs a website on Cheap Divorce
Article Source: Cheap Divorce: A Simple Yet Ingenious Plan
Hat Tip To: Divorce Advice For Men
Rebuild Your Life After Divorce
Monday, July 11, 2011
Have You Found Yourself Relegated to The Bottom of The List When it Comes to Intimacy With Your Wife?
Research shows that more than 43% of women suffer from low libido or a lack of desire for sex at some point in their life. A woman's desire for sex can ebb and flow because of hormone fluctuation, stress, relationship issues and spiritual beliefs. Below are some of the reasons women find themselves suffering from low libido:
...Credit: About.com Divorce Support