Divorce: 11 Tips For The Matrimonially-Challenged – Part 2

If you truly want a successful marriage, sometimes you have to learn to love from a distance.

*Never disrespect your home
You already know your family hates your husband/wife, so stop going to them and talking behind his or her back whenever you two have an argument. One, it just makes your family loathe your spouse even more and two, your marriage is on the wrong track if you’re pouring salt on your significant other. Also, keep your house a home by not having the wrong people coming and going. This is bad for any relationship, married or not. Keep the drama queen/king out of your house, they’re only looking to start trouble.

*Keep marital advice from someone who isn’t married to a minimum
Realistically, you probably shouldn’t take marital advice from someone who has never been married, just like you probably shouldn’t take childrearing advice from someone who doesn’t have kids. I know it sounds a little harsh, but it makes sense. Would you take flight instruction from someone who has never even had flight training? I wouldn’t. In my experience, my unmarried friends have never said anything that could help my marriage. (Sorry guys, I know you tried, but…) Personally, I like to seek advice from older, experienced couples. There is no better way to prepare for marital warfare, than to get guidance from someone who has already been in combat and survived.

*Support your husband or wife’s endeavors
Why do you shoot down every idea your sweetie comes up with? Will it really kill you to be supportive for once? No one will exist on a single thought for the rest of their lives. Realize that people grow and with growth comes change. It’s understandable your spouse has aspirations outside of going to work and paying bills. Is your opposing attitude holding him back from starting that small business? Are you laughing her away from her dream of becoming an actress? Be supportive of your life companion’s dreams because if it works out for them, it will really work out for you.

*Keep passion alive!
She used to wear sexy boy shorts while the two of you were dating, but since you’ve been married and had two children all she’s worn to bed are her gigantic granny bloomers. He used to say something flattering to you everyday, but now he barely notices you. These are common complaints and it can wreak havoc in a marriage. Life is busy and we all get weary from our day-to-day affairs, but just remember to take a little time out to spoil your spouse every once in a while. Let them know that you haven’t forgotten about them and you appreciate all of their efforts. Show them that you are still the person they fell in love with even though life can get in the way. Your partner will surely return the favor.

*Communicate often
Talk to your spouse everyday about something other than the kids, the house, and the bills. Even if you don’t spend a lot of time in the house together, a cell phone will solve that problem. Be sure to get some time to yourselves; go out on a date every once in a while or just snuggle on the couch and talk about constructive things. In my opinion, communication is the key to a successful marriage. Who wants to spend the rest of their life with someone who won’t even talk? Who wants to have a disagreement, but not be able to discuss it intelligently? I’m a huge fan of heated discussions. At least we’re communicating; not going in a room, slamming the door and stewing for hours. Let’s hash it out, get it over with and make up. And who doesn’t like making up? Wink.

Don’t forget to:

*Pray!
Pray everyday for your marriage, your home and children. Prayer can bring reassurance and ease your mind when things go haywire. Do you know what would be even better? Pray together. You already know the saying, “the family that prays together, stays together!”

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No BS Divorce Strategies For Men

Hat Tip To: Divorce Advice For Men

Do You Punish Your Spouse by Withholding Sex?

Withholding sex seems to be a common method of punishing a spouse. We've all heard about the wife who gets mad and sleeps on the couch or turns her back to her husband in bed. Somewhere down the line she learned that cutting her spouses off sexually was an acceptable way of expressing her anger or punishing her husband for hurtful behavior. In my opinion, to do so is a type of abuse and unacceptable in any relationship.

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Origin: About.com Divorce Support

Child Custody and Support

Nebraska Child Custody and Support Guidelines

Credit: About.com Divorce Support: What's Hot Now

Child Custody and Support

North Carolina Child Custody and Support Guidelines

Original: About.com Divorce Support: What's Hot Now

Divorce: 11 Tips For The Matrimonially-Challenged – Part 1

Ahhh, jumping the broom. It’s not for everyone, but it’s manageable if you have the right information. I was completely caught off guard by some of the situations I’ve encountered in nearly eleven years of holy matrimony and if you’re not prepared, you’ll be running full speed ahead back to the single life. Fortunately, my husband and I loved each other enough to pull our family together and live happily ever after.

You say you want happily ever after also? Well, I submit to you a list of valuable lessons I’ve learned throughout the years. Of course, I can’t really promise you eternal love, but a few of these tips will save you from unnecessary suffering, guaranteed.

No BS Divorce Strategies For Men

*Be crowned the king/queen of two-timing BEFORE you commit
In other words, it’s so much easier to play the field while you’re single, instead of getting married and deciding you want to see a whole lot of other people. Seems like this would be easy to figure out, right? Well, apparently it’s not. Some people don’t realize the big mess they’ve created until it’s way too late and they’re unable to come back from it. Can you say: Alimony, monthly child-support payments and a second job to support yourself? Not to mention various sexually transmitted diseases, some fatal.

*Marry someone you are also friends with.
Declare to spend the rest of your life with someone who really likes you as a person, not just as a sexual partner. Sometimes, sex will be nonexistent for short periods of time (pregnancy, illness). If you and your better half like each other, as well as love each other, the foundation that was built on friendship will be more than enough to get you through those rough patches. Besides, being best friends with your spouse makes marriage so much more fun!

*Don’t put your spouse on a pedestal
Everyone makes mistakes, so leave room for plenty of them. If you’re looking for the perfect spouse and marriage you’re probably living in a fantasy world. Simple rules apply in our vows, but we all act a little human sometimes and vows become the hardest thing in the world to stick to. This is to be expected, so try not to come down too hard on your other half for not being a saint at all times and the two of you will be just fine.

*Leave the past in the past
Geez, are you still nagging about all those awful things that happened three years ago. Get over it. No one wants to hear the remix of how much of a jackass they used to be, especially when you all agreed to work it out and things are going great. If you just can’t stop bringing it up every five minutes, maybe it’s time to seek counseling. Otherwise, concentrate on the good things and push forward.

*Put your spouse and children first
Nothing is going to send you to divorce court faster than in-law drama. I know you want everyone to get along, but understand that you are not responsible for your mother, father or siblings happiness. Your main responsibility is to keep your house in order. If your parents and siblings can’t get with the program, be prepared to take a hiatus from them until they have learned to respect you and your mate. If something in them forbids them to do so, stay true to the one who really matters and that should be you.

Via: Divorce Advice For Men

Survive an Unwanted Divorce

You've found yourself the recipient of an unwanted divorce. Your spouse may have just walked out, or left you for another man/other woman.

Original: About.com Divorce Support: What's Hot Now

Bad Marriage

Have you spent years investing time, effort and energy in your marriage? Is the only return you’ve gotten on your investment ambivalance? Does it seem that no matter what you do, the bad outweighs the good in your marriage?

By: About.com Divorce Support: What's Hot Now

Hypnotherapy For Divorce

When we fall in love and experience the first blush of romance, it seems to us that life couldn’t be better. The world seems perfect and rosy, and we cannot bear to think of ever living without our partner. Yet, the reality is that more often than not there is trouble in paradise; after a period of time spent together, the rosy hue dissipates only to be replaced by a sepia toned world.

The divorce rates have gone up around the world in the last few years, and break ups are as common as the housefly! Research says that almost 49% of the marriages end up in divorce within the first 7 years in the US; globally, one out of every three married couples is headed for Splitsville. A separation of such a kind is very difficult to handle for any person; feelings of anger, depression, nervous breakdowns and disillusionment are what people experience in general.

No BS Divorce Strategies For Men

Though such a situation is a bitter pill to swallow, we have to do it…and do it with dignity. Hypnotherapy for break-ups and divorce can help you pass over this phase with less pain and more self-respect. Here’s how.

After separating with our partner, it is crucial for us to find hope, and to move on. The more you mope around the more harm you bring upon yourself. It is no mean feat to come through a divorce with your head held high; it can be a Herculean task in times like these to have positive thoughts. To some of us, a break up or divorce can seem like the end of the world. If it does, you are not to blame because it indeed is a very painful situation and one that can let loose a slew of negative emotions. Here’s where hypnotherapy for break-ups and divorce comes in. Hypnotherapy is a mode of relaxation in some ways, a means of soothing your aching heart and caressing your troubled mind. Hypnotherapy for break-ups and divorce helps you draw strength from within yourself, so you can bid goodbye to the anti-depressants and the sleeping pills. It empowers you with self-healing through positive energy and suggestions. In traumatic times such as these, it gives you the direction that you might badly need.

Hypnotherapy for break-ups and divorce helps you address the negative emotions that fester within you during such times. A session with a responsible therapist will let you identify the exact feelings and work your way around them. You have to realize that even after a divorce life goes on; if there are children involved their future depends on you. Life can be tough, especially with the practicalities that face you after a divorce; however, it is only you who can indeed redeem yourself in such a situation. Through techniques of relaxation, positive thoughts and auto suggestion you will learn how to cope with the anger & bitterness you are feeling. It will help you reduce your stress and help you put your life back together. Sometimes it happens with us that we can’t see things clearly when we are too close to it, you can even call it blindsiding; with hypnotherapy for break-ups and divorce, you distance yourself from the painful situation and learn to look at it objectively. It could be the best remedy when you are faced with troubled times like these.

Hat Tip To: Divorce Advice For Men

Midlife Crisis

When dealing with a spouse who is going through a midlife crisis the biggest mistake you can make is attempting to communicate with your spouse.

Hat Tip To: About.com Divorce Support: What's Hot Now

Sex After Divorce - Play It Safe When Having Sex After Divorce

So you’re planning to go out on a date– how exciting! Whether it’s with someone new or someone you’ve already seen a few times, your adrenaline is probably pumping; dating and sex after divorce can nerve-wracking!

Origin: About.com Divorce Support: What's Hot Now

Blame

When I think about a climate of blame in a marital relationship, I think of the negative effect it has on a marriage.

Credit: About.com Divorce Support: What's Hot Now

Creating a Parenting Plan for Child Custody Court

The purpose of custody court is for the judge or court to accept a parenting plan as a custody court order and make the plan legally binding. There are several ways that divorced parents can get their plans accepted by court. If both parents agree on the plan and on the custody and visitation, they create their plan, bring it to court, and the judge accepts it.

If the parents don’t agree on a plan, many states require them to go to mediation. In mediation hopefully the parents can work out a plan they agree on and present it to the court. If parents simply cannot work together on their custody agreement, both parents present the parenting plan they’d like the court to accept and the judge makes the final decision. The court can decide to accept either parent’s plan, or they can make changes and accept parts of both of them.

No matter what category you fall in–if you and your former spouse are working together or if you’re preparing a plan to present at mediation or at court, it is vital that you create the best parenting plan that you can. Here are some things to consider while you’re making that plan.

Your parenting plan is a long term schedule and agreement. So, you really want to put in the time at first to get a custody agreement that you really like and that makes you and the children happy. You should just expect to spend some time on this agreement–it isn’t going to come together overnight. You want to allow yourself enough time before going to court or going to mediation to think through all of the details and the specifics of the agreement. It is possible to get your plan changed after the court accepts it, but it is a big hassle and can be a long process. Invest the time in the beginning to save yourself hassle and time later on.

Your parenting plan is the same things as the custody agreement. This is the plan that determines how much time the children spend with each parent. You’ll need to come up with a custody and visitation schedule. If you and your former spouse are working together, you can create this as a joint effort. If you are getting ready to present your plan to the court, develop a schedule that you’d like the court to accept. Create a calendar outlining the rotating schedule and the times of visitation and custody for both parents. Make a fair schedule and be sure to give your child’s other parent enough time. The court generally likes more shared parenting agreements because it feels like those are in the best interest of the children.

Your schedule should include a holiday and vacation schedule. Divide the holidays evenly and fairly between the parents. This means that both parents get the equal big and small holidays. You can also change the schedule during spring, summer, and winter break.

Another big part of your parenting plan that you need to prepare are any provisions or stipulations that you want in the agreement. These are terms that both parents must adhere to. If you want to know about your child’s other parent’s address change within a certain number of days, put that in the agreement. Or maybe you’d like an itinerary when the other parent takes the child on vacation. You can put that in too. Remember that only the things in the agreement that the court accepts are legally binding. So, if there are any issues that are really important to you, make sure the court accepts them as part of your parenting plan.

Making your parenting plan doesn’t have to be stressful or overwhelming. Give yourself enough time to create a schedule and calendar, and think through provisions and stipulations that you’d like in the agreement. Then you can feel confident and secure when the court accepts your plan. You know that your plan will last for quite awhile.

Learn more about how to create your perfect parenting plan and get more information about how to prepare for child custody court.

Article Source: Creating a Parenting Plan for Child Custody Court

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No BS Divorce Strategies For Men

Hat Tip To: Divorce Advice For Men

Hiding Computer Activity

Some use the computer excessively when having a physical affair. If your spouse is spending excessive amounts of time on the computer they could be engaged in an online affair or they are using the computer to stay in contact with their physical affair partner.

Source: About.com Divorce Support: What's Hot Now

Is Your High Conflict Divorce Causing Post Traumatic Stress Disorder?

The National Institute of Mental Health defines Post Traumatic Stress Disorder as "an anxiety disorder that can develop after exposure to a terrifying event or ordeal in which grave physical harm occurred or was threatened. Traumatic events that may trigger PTSD include violent personal assaults, natural or human-caused disasters, accidents, or military combat."

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Origin: About.com Divorce Support

Colorado Divorce Laws

What you need to know about Colorado divorce laws.

Hat Tip To: About.com Divorce Support: What's Hot Now