Realizing you have little control over what happens “over there” at your ex-partner’s house is an issue many newly divorced parents need to let go of.
It’s not uncommon for the difference in parenting styles between parents to become very apparent after separation. Children usually experience some transition time to get used to the unique rhythms of each household.
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Realizing you have little control over what happens “over there” at your ex-partner’s house is an issue many newly divorced parents need to let go of. Too often divorcing parents spent far too much time and energy focusing on how things are working, or not working well in their former spouse’s household, instead of zeroing in and taking action on what is going on under their own roof. Ultimately, all you’re really able to control is being clear about the expectations you have for your children and being consistent with them.
With the homework issue, for example, let your children know that they are responsible for getting their own homework done in time for school regardless of whether they are at mom’s or dad’s house.
You can also set up a discussion with your ex to discuss the transition between houses. Approach it with the intention of seeking cooperation and keeping your children’s best interests in mind. Be factual and describe what you see. Avoid the temptation to editorialize and share your opinions about the motives and behavior of your former spouse if you want the best shot of having a constructive conversation.
For example “When the kids come back to my house, they appear overtired and don’t have their homework done. They have a hard time getting to school the next day.” Leave any editorializing or judgment out. For example, “Aren’t you paying any attention? These kids are cranky and running wild at your house!” is not likely to foster open dialogue.
You must also be open for feedback on what’s going on at your house from your ex as well. Communication is a two-way street after all. It requires listening, as well as honest, constructive dialogue. It might not be easy at times to engage in the discussion, or to listen to the feedback, but remember your ultimate goal is to do what is in the best interests of your children. Being able to have a good working co-parenting relationship is a key ingredient to your children’s successful transition through divorce.
Success Strategist, coach and author, Carolyn Ellis, is the founder of ThriveAfterDivorce.com and ThrivePrinciples.com. Her mission is to empower others to turn adversity into opportunity so they can improve relationships, increase self-confidence and reach their highest potential. To receive a special gift, visit http://www.ThrivePrinciples.com
Article Source: Separation and Divorce Tips: Different Parenting Styles after Separation
Origin: Divorce Advice For Men
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